The Dark Side of JOMO That May Be Destroying Your Health

TL;DR

• JOMO or, the joy of missing out, has become a popular phrase in recent years and has led many people to not prioritize their social relationships as much.
• During the height of COVID, socialization was associated with the anxiety of exposure to sickness and possible death, further heightening people’s desires to stay home.
• However, COVID also led to skyrocketing anxiety and depression in large part because of social isolation.
• Social connectedness is vital for our health and wellbeing. Socially isolated individuals are twice as likely to die from any cause as those with strong social connections.
• Thus, it is absolutely vital to prioritize strong social connections. The joy of missing out is temporary, the joy of friendships could save your happiness and your life.

COVID and the Anxiety of Hanging Out

JOMO or, the joy of missing out, became a popular catchphrase around the time COVID restrictions began to be lifted. You remember that time, right? We still had to wear masks everywhere, but suddenly we could go to the gym or tentatively hug friends (post a COVID test!) or attend an outdoor family gathering.

While many of us felt excited to have more opportunities to get out and socialize, many of us also felt a lot of trepidation. Where once it was largely introverts who got stressed about socializing with other people, now everyone began to associate socializing with anxiety. Going out could mean sickness and death, whereas we knew staying at home meant pajamas and TV. It’s no surprise then that there was a surge in the relief people felt about missing out on social occasions.

The Benefits of JOMO

However, JOMO is not a new feeling. Even pre-COVID, we all experienced the joy that happens when someone cancels a plan we didn’t really want to carry out. It might be an early morning walk that suddenly sounds way too early the night before or a toxic friend cancelling a hangout when, TBH, you were dreading the negativity you always feel when you’re around them.

Suddenly the cancelled plan makes you appreciate the things you now to get enjoy instead, things you probably wouldn’t have thought about otherwise, like your warm bed, soft pajamas, or the comfort of rewatching your favorite show.

This is the positive side of JOMO, the side that renews your appreciation for the little things. JOMO has other positive benefits as well. It can help us set boundaries on our time and who we hang out with. And it encourages us to prioritize self-care, which sometimes means alone time.

However, like the Force in Star Wars, there is a dark side to JOMO. A very dark side. And post-COVID, many of us are careening headlong into that dark side.

The Importance of Socialization for Our Health and Wellbeing

Human beings are social animals. As we evolved, our feelings of pleasure and happiness became triggered by connection with family, friends, and even acquaintances. Our intelligence was honed by communicating and learning from others. And many of our anxieties evolved from a fear of rejection from the group.

Given this evolution, it is no surprise that the importance of socialization shows up in the research on health, longevity, and happiness time and time again. For example, one meta analysis (basically a study that compiles the results of a bunch of difference similar studies) found that people with strong social networks were almost half as likely to die over an average 7-year period than people without strong social networks. Other studies have found that social isolation is as bad for our long-term health as smoking. Another study found that strong social connections reduced the decline in mental and physical acuity people experienced in older age. The list goes on and on.

All of this is to say, if we are looking to boost our happiness and wellbeing, the first place we should look is at our social connections.

COVID, Isolation, and the Spike in Mental Illness

During the height of COVID, rates of depression and anxiety skyrocketed, particularly among youth. Researchers found that a big part of the reason for this increase was our lack of socialization. COVID was a huge, unplanned experiment that bore out a clear result: socialization is key to our wellbeing.

I found this in my own experience. During the height of isolation, I became more anxious, irritable, easily weepy, and way too dependent on the one person I could socialize with, my partner. Luckily, we communicated regularly about this issue and learned to establish better boundaries. I began regularly walking with a close friend and, when things started opening up, climbing at the gym a few times a week and planning outdoor activities with friends.

I also changed jobs, moving to one where I met with my colleagues multiple times a week via Zoom rather than once every few months… maybe. Unsurprisingly, with more opportunities for socialization, my weepiness and co-dependence went away, and my anxiety lessened.

Socialization Isn’t a One Size Fits All

Now, of course, I acknowledge that we all have individual preferences for socialization. I’m an introvert. I find socializing in large groups and with people I don’t know stressful and draining. However, I love socializing with groups of people I know. Extroverts often feel energized after almost any kind of socializing. Regardless of your individual preferences, however, we all share the same evolution. Research shows that we all need socialization at some level, and we all need at least a couple of close relationships with people we can confide in.

Social connectedness is defined as the degree to which people have and perceive having a desired number and quality of social relationships. It also means having more than one person you can confide in. Thus, a person can feel socially isolated even if they have say 5 close relationships, if their perception is that they do not have enough friends or that they cannot confide in those individuals.

The Dark Side of JOMO

This is where JOMO is so problematic. JOMO suggests that socialization is a drain on our happiness and solitude is where happiness lies. The research above has hopefully shown you that the exact opposite is true.

JOMO is so tempting, however, because it’s like a drug, while socializing is a little like exercise. JOMO will make you feel good immediately. However, if you keep missing out on time with friends or family, it will eat away at your health. It could even kill you.

Alternatively, just like exercise, socializing can feel like an effort. It can feel draining at times, especially when we’re getting back into it after a hiatus. However, over time, socializing becomes easier and more fun. It is also absolutely vital for a healthy life. There’s a good chance it will make for a longer, more lastingly joyful life as well.

So next time you think about cancelling plans, think twice. There’s a good chance future you will be very grateful.

If you’re struggling to find friends to socialize with, I recommend my post on making new friends as an adult. If you liked this post, please consider liking, subscribing, or sharing with others, I always really appreciate it.