Is there a more annoying phrase then, “Don’t forget, your biological clock is ticking?” If you are a female in your 30s and 40s and don’t have a child, there’s a good chance you’ve heard this phrase, regardless of whether you plan to get pregnant or not. Society makes it absolutely impossible for any female to forget that their fertility and chances of conceiving decline as they age.
The problem is that our modern society in the United States also makes it pretty hard to have a baby when our parents did. Between the high cost of housing and childcare, work demands, the realities of paying off debts like student loans, a pretty horrible online dating scene, and people’s very understandable desire to enjoy independent life for a bit, having a baby in your 20s sounds almost impossible and not necessarily desirable for many people.
That being said, starting a family is a big adulting decision. And one that many of us want to make at some point. How can we improve our chances of getting pregnant when we are ready? That’s what I aim to explore here.
What Is a “Geriatric Pregnancy”?
This means that for many of us who hope to have children one day, we’ll have a *shudders* “geriatric pregnancy.” A geriatric pregnancy is one in which you give birth at or after the age of 35. The term geriatric pregnancy sounds even more offensive than “your biological clock is ticking.” I’m pretty sure they could have come up with a better term. “Geriatric” literally means “relating to the medical care of old people.” So that’s cool.
Society’s insistence on generally being offensive to pregnant women and women in general aside, getting pregnant in your 30s and above is fraught with mystery, misinformation, anxiety, and often shame. I know I personally experience some anxiety about my decision to start trying for kids in my mid- to later-30s. And I know I’m not alone. This post is inspired by discussions I’ve had with my friends about conception troubles we’ve heard about, tips we’ve learned, and the comfort we’ve found in talking about our shared concerns.
How Much Does Your Fertility Actually Decline In Your 30s and 40s?
Women’s peak reproductive years are in their late teens through their late 20s. During this time, women have, on average, a 25% chance of getting pregnant during a given cycle. Most couples during this time will become pregnant within about a year. Pregnancy rates don’t decline much in your early 30s either. However, the chance of a miscarriage increases a little bit. For those who are in their 20s and early 30s, doctors generally recommend checking in with a healthcare provider if you’ve been having trouble conceiving for 9 months to a year.
Fertility starts to decline more precipitously once you hit the mid 30s. Women in their mid- to late-30s have about a 15% chance of conceiving in a given cycle. That declines to 5% in your 40s. The chance of miscarriage also goes from 15% in your 20s to 40% in your 40s. That being said, your chances of having a healthy pregnancy are still quite good in your late 30s and early 40s. However, if you are having trouble conceiving, doctors recommend seeking out help from a fertility specialist at 6 months to ensure you get as timely help as possible.
Consulting with a Fertility Doctor
If you do need to consult a doctor, they will likely ask about risk factors that affect your chance of pregnancy. They will also check for medical conditions such as polycystic ovary syndrome, uterine fibroids, chronic diseases, genetic disorders, or other things that could be causes of infertility and, in some cases, that can be remedied with treatment. Many couples also benefit from fertility treatments such as in vitro fertilization.
Benefits of Waiting
I find the statistics above a mix of hopeful and sobering. However, they don’t highlight that, for many couples, it is a good idea to wait to get pregnant. While some people may make you feel irresponsible for waiting, it’s important to acknowledge that for many of us, waiting is the most responsible thing we could possibly do. Having children when you are older is associated with:
- Better child outcomes, including better educational outcomes and fewer behavior problems.
- Greater likelihood of being financially prepared for children.
- Potentially greater longevity for mothers. A study found that later-life childbearing improved women’s aging process.
- For families where partners got together at older ages, there is a lower risk of divorce.
It’s important to keep in mind that those who tend to wait longer to have children are more likely to have higher incomes and levels of education. Higher income and education affect child outcomes, risk of divorce, and more. Thus, greater age itself isn’t necessarily the factor causing better outcomes. Nevertheless, it highlights the importance of age, wisdom, experience, and time for giving us the resources to start a healthy family.
Factors That Impact Your Fertility
Luckily, you can improve your fertility dramatically through a few important lifestyle changes, including:
Reduce Emotional Stress Levels to Promote Fertility
Too bad that the idea of reducing stress is, itself, often stressful. That being said, it might be worth considering, well ahead of time, whether there are changes you could make to your work or social life to improve any chronic stress.
You can check out my post on setting boundaries for some ideas. You might also try relaxation techniques like journaling, meditation, or engaging in your favorite hobby.
Get Enough Sleep
Sleep plays a pivotal role in good egg quality, sperm quality, and developing a healthy embryo. Ideally, you should aim for 7-9 hours of sleep. Women tend to need more than men. Check out my post on sleeping tips if you are experiencing insomnia.
Maintain a Healthy Weight to Reduce Fertility Concerns
Being over- and under-weight have a negative effect on pregnancy and hormone levels. Specifically, they can lead to imbalances in estrogen and testosterone. A high body mass index also increases your risk of gestational diabetes, which can increase chances of miscarriage.
Reduce Exposure to Environmental Toxins, Tobacco, and Alcohol
Phthalates (frequently found in scented laundry detergents, lotions, toys, and even processed food), BPAs (found in many plastics), and triclosan (found in many antibacterial products) decrease fertility. Look for products that do not have these toxins. Additionally, if you live in an old house you may be exposed to heavy metals like lead, cadmium, and mercury. Environmental factors like air pollution also has a negative affect on pregnancy. If possible, try to limit exposure to air pollution and consider purchasing air filters if possible.
Likewise, alcohol and smoking can increase stress in the body and reduce the chance of a healthy pregnancy.
Aim for Moderate Caffeine Consumption
High caffeine consumption may impact fertility. There’s a lot of misinformation and debate about this. However, there is some evidence that women who consume a lot of caffeine take longer to get pregnant, though caffeine doesn’t seem to affect long-term chances of conception. Consequently, stick with 1-2 cups of coffee a day and aim to drink plenty of water.
Maintain a Moderate Exercise Routine (and Avoid Overly Strenuous Exercise to Increase Fertility Success)
Doctors generally recommend 150 minutes of moderate cardio activity per week and 2 strength training sessions. Some people even believe that it helps unblock fallopian tubes, though there is currently no scientific evidence for this.
Unfortunately (given that I love strenuous exercise), strenuous exercise can impede fertility. It can cause excess stress in the body and divert important resources to healing muscles and oxidative stress. Given that, save your super intense sprinting, weight lifting, bootcamps, etc. for post-pregnancy if possible.
Address Preexisting Health Problems and Hormonal Imbalance That Affect Fertility
As mentioned above, these can include polycystic ovary syndrome, uterine fibroids, pelvic inflammatory disease, etc. Untreated Celiac’s disease is also associated with infertility. Consequently, you might consider getting tested for allergies or intolerances.
Luckily, many of these health problems can be treated. If you are concerned you may have one of these health problems, consider reaching out to a health care provider, fertility specialist, and/or reproductive endocrinologist to assess your reproductive health and check for any hormonal imbalances.
Imbalances in reproductive hormones like estrogen, testosterone, progesterone and follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) also impact egg health and fertility. Luckily, hormonal balance is impacted by many of the lifestyle factors mentioned above. For example, stress, diet, sleep, and moderate exercise contribute to healthy hormone levels. I go over the best foods for your hormone levels and how to improve hormone balance through exercise in other posts.
Additionally, chromosomal abnormalities and genetic abnormalities can affect fertility. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot we can do about genetics. However, you may want to get tested for abnormalities and consult with a fertility doctor to develop a treatment plan informed by your unique genetics.
Follow a Balanced, Healthy Diet
Nutrition plays an immensely important role in successful pregnancy and overall health. Ideally you should get your levels of essential nutrients checked before you want to try having kids so you can work on any deficiencies ahead of time. Aim to be well-nourished 3 months before you start trying to conceive. You’ll want to focus on incorporating:
- Vitamin C
- Vitamin E
- B Vitamins
- Vitamin D
- Iron
- Choline
- Antioxidants
- Polyphenols
- Probiotics
- Folic acid
- Fiber
- Healthy fats / Fatty acids
- Calcium
- Protein
- Coenzyme Q
I know, it probably would have been faster to list nutrients that are not helpful for pregnancy. Good sources of food for these nutrients include fruits, fresh vegetables, leafy greens, nuts, legumes, lean protein, fatty fish, whole grains and dairy (particularly high fat dairy). For more information on foods that boost fertility, check out this great post from Wellness Warrior.
In terms of foods to avoid, try to limit excess sugar and trans fats. Excess sugar can correspond to high blood sugar levels and increase your risk of diabetes. Both of those things can negatively affect pregnancy success rates.
You can also take a prenatal vitamin to help meet your nutrition needs. And some people find following a Mediterranean diet helpful.
How to Increase Your Chances of Conceiving
Other than addressing the above-mentioned factors, there are some steps you can take that may increase your chances of conceiving.
- Stop taking hormonal birth control a few months before you plan to conceive. Talk to your doctor about how best to do this.
- Consume more of your calories at breakfast (weird, I know!)
- Reduce trans fats.
- Eat high fat dairy. Good news, right?
- Some research suggests that acupuncture can improve fertility. I go over this in depth in my post on acupuncture and fertility.
- Choose organic produce if possible. Pesticides are associated with reduced fertility.
- Track your menstrual cycle and know when you’re ovulating.
- If you’re male, avoid saunas, as recent studies suggest they negatively impact a man’s sperm count.
How to Improve Egg Quality for IVF
Even if you take all these steps, you may need to seek fertility treatment. IVF or in vitro fertilization is an incredible resource of improving your chances of getting pregnant. With IVF, an egg is fertilized with sperm in a laboratory and then implanted back into the female’s uterus. If the procedure is successful, a pregnancy results.
The success of IVF depends on a few things. For one, it’s important to have healthy eggs and healthy sperm. Additionally, IVF success is influenced by your ovarian reserve. In other words, the number of eggs in a patient’s uterus.
The quality of your eggs and your egg reserve is influenced by diet, hormone levels, age, stress, genetics, and exposure to toxins. Some studies have also found that acupuncture can improve the outcomes of IVF treatment depending on when in the IVF cycle it’s used. Consequently, the tips above can help maintain or improve the quality of eggs and sperm.
The Emotional Toll of Fertility Problems
Finally, remember that it is super common for it to take a year or more to get pregnant. Miscarriage is also far more common than we like to talk about. And fertility issues are just as common in men as in women. All of this is to say that you’re not alone if getting pregnant is way more difficult than you expected. While lifestyle choices and maintaining good health play a role in fertility, luck plays a big role as well. You could do everything right and still not get pregnant. So you are not to blame and it is not a reflection of your womanhood/manhood/personhood or self-worth.
It’s easy to say that, however, and it’s another thing to truly believe it. Trying to get pregnant is stressful and there’s a good chance your mental health could take a hit while you do so. You may benefit from seeking therapy if you are not already seeing a therapist. Talking with friends and support groups can also be beneficial. You might be surprised to find that many people are experiencing the same thing you are going through.
To Sum Up
More and more of us are deciding to delay childbearing until our 30s and 40s. And in many ways that’s a great thing! By waiting, we can feel readier financially, emotionally, and relationally for this big change. While fertility does decline in your 30s and 40s, it may not decline by as much as you think.
There are also a number of steps you can take to up your chances of conceiving. And if you do experience trouble conceiving, remember that you are not alone. For many of us, it will take longer to get pregnant than we expect, and that’s okay. You are valuable and worthy and deserving no matter your journey.
If you liked this post, please consider liking, subscribing, or sharing. I always really appreciate it and would love if this post could help more people.